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Self-compassion isn’t a feel-good buzzword. It’s a mental skill – like a muscle we can train in everyday life. And not on the yoga mat, but right in the middle of the chaos of emails, appointments, and self-doubt. Here are five concrete ways to practice self-compassion without getting lost in clichés.
1. Consciously stop your inner critic
When you notice yourself putting yourself down (“I should have done that better”), pause and ask: “Would I talk to a friend like this?” If not, rephrase the thought in a kinder way. For example:
Instead of “I’m too slow” → “I’m taking the time I need.”
Instead of “I should be better at this” → “I’m still learning.”
These rephrasings may feel simple, but over time they change your stress response: your body shifts from attack mode to calm mode.
2. Notice when you’re overwhelming yourself
Self-optimization often shows up as trying to do too much at once. Over the next few days, pay attention to when you feel internal pressure. Ask yourself: “Am I doing this out of joy – or out of fear of not being enough?”
If the second answer comes up more often, that’s a signal. Then intentionally plan breaks without any performance goal: a walk, coffee without your phone, dinner without a to-do list. This isn’t withdrawal – it’s regeneration.
3. Make mistakes visible – not invisible
Perfectionism thrives on secrecy. Self-compassion begins where you allow yourself to be vulnerable. Say honestly in a conversation: “I don’t know right now” or “That was my mistake.” This doesn’t make you weak – it builds trust and relieves you internally.
4. Talk to yourself in “you” or “I” form, not “one”
When you’re stressed, notice your language. Sentences like “One just has to pull themselves together” create distance. Instead, consciously speak to yourself: “I notice that I’m tense right now.” or “You’re allowed to be tired.” This activates the same brain areas as compassion for others. You’re speaking yourself into safety.
5. Practice leaving something imperfect
Once a day – deliberately – leave something unfinished or imperfect. Send the email without triple-checking. Leave the dishes for tomorrow. Then observe what happens inside you. Do you feel restlessness, shame, the sense of being “lazy”? That’s exactly where you practice self-compassion: allowing yourself to be human.
Conclusion
Self-compassion isn’t retreating from the world – it’s a different way of living in it. It doesn’t shield you from pain, but it protects you from adding self-inflicted pain on top of it. And that might be the most important form of strength you can learn in a world of constant self-optimization.
